Flapjarnarngud is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, ruthless goat.

Flapjarnarngud created a bottom quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapjarnarngud, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Flapjarnarngud, he will be mildly annoyed.

Flapjarnarngud's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Flapjarnarngud's Holy Commandments

1. Always help shrews in need.

2. Flapjarnarngud must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never wear scarves.

5. Respect your elders.