Gumbamhad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, dishonourable walrus.

Gumbamhad created time and space six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumbamhad, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gumbamhad, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gumbamhad's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Gumbamhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never write about bacteria.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not speak about beans.