Tamvaglim Venyoksad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, smart troll.

Tamvaglim Venyoksad created the planet Jupiter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tamvaglim Venyoksad, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tamvaglim Venyoksad, he will turn you into a rock.

Tamvaglim Venyoksad's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tamvaglim Venyoksad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near squirrels.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always help sick whales.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. You must pray to Tamvaglim Venyoksad seven times a day.