Monnuttpig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, thoughtless cat.

Monnuttpig created the Cigar Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Monnuttpig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Monnuttpig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Monnuttpig's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Monnuttpig's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Monnuttpig.

2. Never go into gray rooms.

3. Manatees are not to be trusted.

4. Monnuttpig loves swans, so they must be respected.

5. Never skip in the presence of goats.