Ceplagfen is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, stupid donkey.

Ceplagfen created the planet Mars six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ceplagfen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ceplagfen, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ceplagfen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ceplagfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about garlic.

2. Never mention rats.

3. Never wear red skirts.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Respect your elders.