Quimnellboss Dissbedmap is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, deceitful bird.

Quimnellboss Dissbedmap created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimnellboss Dissbedmap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quimnellboss Dissbedmap, she will turn you into a tree.

Quimnellboss Dissbedmap's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Quimnellboss Dissbedmap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. You must never eat cucumbers.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never talk about dark energy near mice while wearing fawn boots.