Tintonknan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, generous bird.

Tintonknan created bats two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tintonknan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tintonknan, he will turn you into a mole.

Tintonknan's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Tintonknan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about quantum field theory.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Erect nine silicon sculptures of Tintonknan on top of important buildings.

5. Never paint your legs pink.