Fatbarnfut is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, idiotic salamander.

Fatbarnfut created energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fatbarnfut, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fatbarnfut, it will destroy your favourite star.

Fatbarnfut's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fatbarnfut's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never jump near foxes.

4. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

5. Learn four new languages a year.