Xemflabtarp is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, staggering dolphin.

Xemflabtarp created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemflabtarp, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Xemflabtarp, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Xemflabtarp's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Xemflabtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not take Xemflabtarp's name in vain.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing black stockings and balancing three carbon spheres on your arms.

5. Do not drink water in brown rooms.