Jonfunlamwab is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, prudent giraffe.

Jonfunlamwab created Europe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jonfunlamwab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jonfunlamwab, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jonfunlamwab's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Jonfunlamwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always obey Jonfunlamwab's priests.

3. Never mention hamsters.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Retreat if six pigs approach from the east.