Vanmum is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, self-assured otter.

Vanmum created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanmum, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vanmum, she will turn you into a puffin.

Vanmum's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vanmum's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from purple geese, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never talk about fire.