Larnmat is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, compassionate giraffe.

Larnmat created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Larnmat, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larnmat, she will curse you with boils.

Larnmat's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Larnmat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Larnmat first in all things.

2. Never chant near sheep.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.