Fotgepgar is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, kind seal.

Fotgepgar created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotgepgar, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fotgepgar, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fotgepgar's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Fotgepgar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in red rooms.

2. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Fotgepgar in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about sheep.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not wear pink clothing.