Tanvolkadwab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, competent porpoise.

Tanvolkadwab created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tanvolkadwab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tanvolkadwab, it will turn you into a puffin.

Tanvolkadwab's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Tanvolkadwab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always obey Tanvolkadwab's priests.

3. Always look after injured great tits.

4. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

5. You must never eat rice.