Nartpaglarg is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, charitable toad.

Nartpaglarg created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartpaglarg, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nartpaglarg, he will turn you into a rat.

Nartpaglarg's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Nartpaglarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Hide if three whales approach from the east.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near manatees while wearing green shirts.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Respect your elders.