Quamfadham Besswegquart is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, deceitful wombat.

Quamfadham Besswegquart created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamfadham Besswegquart, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quamfadham Besswegquart, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Quamfadham Besswegquart's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Quamfadham Besswegquart's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never write about fluid mechanics.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not keep six bats in a large pit.

5. Do not drink alcohol.