Gartabgep is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical tortoise.

Gartabgep created the Large Magellanic Cloud six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gartabgep, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gartabgep, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gartabgep's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Gartabgep's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gartabgep.