Watvanpid is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, happy hippopotamus.

Watvanpid created the Tadpole Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Watvanpid, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Watvanpid, it will turn you into a tree.

Watvanpid's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Watvanpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near dolphins.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Watvanpid.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.