Homcanced is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, irritating penguin.

Homcanced created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Homcanced, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Homcanced, it will be very sad.

Homcanced's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Homcanced's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry squirrels.

2. Never paint your neck brown.

3. Never chant near pigs.

4. You must pray to Homcanced seven times a day.

5. Do not listen to music.