Zenjarnhanjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, bad-tempered guinea pig.

Zenjarnhanjarn created the Sun three million years ago.

If you believe in Zenjarnhanjarn, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Zenjarnhanjarn, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Zenjarnhanjarn's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Zenjarnhanjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Erect three silicon sculptures of Zenjarnhanjarn on top of important buildings.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.