Tonkcunbell is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, able dragon.

Tonkcunbell created a top quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcunbell, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tonkcunbell, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Tonkcunbell's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Tonkcunbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.