Quimkimfen is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, wise wombat.

Quimkimfen created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimkimfen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quimkimfen, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quimkimfen's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Quimkimfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of aubergines to tortoises while wearing indigo dresses.

2. Always treat snakes with great respect.

3. Do not hurt moths.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.