Toftamfon Lopxuckwee is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, proud manatee.

Toftamfon Lopxuckwee created gold two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Toftamfon Lopxuckwee, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Toftamfon Lopxuckwee, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Toftamfon Lopxuckwee's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Toftamfon Lopxuckwee's Holy Commandments

1. Geese are not to be trusted.

2. Never think about dark matter near grasshopers while wearing mauve coats and balancing six aluminium spheres on your head.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must love Toftamfon Lopxuckwee.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.