Bonkfarnyam is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, all-knowing porpoise.

Bonkfarnyam created a down quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkfarnyam, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bonkfarnyam, she will turn you into a mouse.

Bonkfarnyam's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Bonkfarnyam's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry dolphins.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Always help mice.