Ditbatced is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, staggering tapir.

Ditbatced created a charm quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ditbatced, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ditbatced, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Ditbatced's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Ditbatced's Holy Commandments

1. Ditbatced loves whales, so they must be honoured.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

4. Never think ill of sick mice.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near gulls while wearing black skirts and balancing four lead spheres on your feet.