Ortvidgid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, generous pig.

Ortvidgid created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortvidgid, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Ortvidgid, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ortvidgid's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Ortvidgid's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cucumbers to squirrels while wearing ear rings.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near hamsters while wearing pink tights and balancing four carbon spheres on your feet.