Toffligbigvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, blissful chinchilla.

Toffligbigvonk created an up quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Toffligbigvonk, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Toffligbigvonk, it will turn you into a snail.

Toffligbigvonk's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Toffligbigvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Do not hurt mice.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Never talk about optics near capybaras while wearing brown shoes and balancing six silicon spheres on your arms.