Garxinwab is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tiresome jaguar.

Garxinwab created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garxinwab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Garxinwab, she will throw large rocks at you.

Garxinwab's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Garxinwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of oranges to geese while wearing fawn shorts.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.