Tonkcedhan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, confident wasp.

Tonkcedhan created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcedhan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tonkcedhan, she will turn you into a goat.

Tonkcedhan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tonkcedhan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Tonkcedhan loves geese, so they must be respected.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkcedhan.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near sheep while wearing white shoes and balancing seven zinc spheres on your arms.

5. Never think about chromosomes.