Saslopbagnulbigbusyarljad is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, moody dugong.

Saslopbagnulbigbusyarljad created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Saslopbagnulbigbusyarljad, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Saslopbagnulbigbusyarljad, he will turn you into a plant.

Saslopbagnulbigbusyarljad's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Saslopbagnulbigbusyarljad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help turtles.

4. Never paint your chest white.

5. Run away from pink gulls, for they are unholy.