Flatnuting is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, all-knowing monkey.

Flatnuting created the Black Eye Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Flatnuting, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Flatnuting, he will cry a lot.

Flatnuting's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Flatnuting's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Flatnuting in the centre of the settlement.

3. Run away if seven great tits approach from the north.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always help sick squirrels.