Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, resourceful wolf.

Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg, it will turn you into a dog.

Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine dolphins approach from the south.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Run away from black rats, for they are unholy.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Volarngarcip Banfodqueeg.