Lakkanbus is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, ruthless goat.

Lakkanbus created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Lakkanbus, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Lakkanbus, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Lakkanbus' most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Lakkanbus' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about enzymes.

2. Never bounce in the presence of manatees.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not hurt doves.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near tapirs while wearing white tights and balancing six copper spheres on your face.