Tigvontiktan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, irritating octopus.

Tigvontiktan created the Sun six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigvontiktan, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tigvontiktan, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Tigvontiktan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tigvontiktan's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

3. Never eat coconuts.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.