Farruttwat is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unselfish jaguar.

Farruttwat created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Farruttwat, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Farruttwat, it will jump up and down on your head.

Farruttwat's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Farruttwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about enzymes.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not keep six otters in a large pit.

4. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

5. Never play with disobedient children.