Laktarfarn Yamsomfun is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, calm wasp.

Laktarfarn Yamsomfun created a quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Laktarfarn Yamsomfun, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Laktarfarn Yamsomfun, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Laktarfarn Yamsomfun's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Laktarfarn Yamsomfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick turtles.

2. Erect four silicon sculptures of Laktarfarn Yamsomfun on top of important buildings.

3. Never wear trousers.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near snakes while wearing brown hats and balancing five titanium spheres on your legs.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.