Jatingbig is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, capable hyena.

Jatingbig created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatingbig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jatingbig, it will turn you into a goat.

Jatingbig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jatingbig's Holy Commandments

1. Jatingbig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never feed peas to ducks while wearing purple hats.

4. Jatingbig loves sheep, so they must be respected.

5. Do not speak about limes.