Lingodrag is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, charitable jaguar.

Lingodrag created Mount Everest eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lingodrag, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lingodrag, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Lingodrag's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Lingodrag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the west.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.