Apptarpjad is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, temperamental dog.

Apptarpjad created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Apptarpjad, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Apptarpjad, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Apptarpjad's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Apptarpjad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five swans approach from the east.

2. You must love Apptarpjad.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near ants while wearing blue dresses and balancing eight silver spheres on your back.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not eat peanuts.