Dongovyarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unthoughtful faun.

Dongovyarp created light three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dongovyarp, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dongovyarp, he will turn you into a tree.

Dongovyarp's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Dongovyarp's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat turnips.

2. You must pray to Dongovyarp three times a day.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.