Zogzanven is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, slow dog.

Zogzanven created the planet Jupiter three million years ago.

If you believe in Zogzanven, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zogzanven, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Zogzanven's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zogzanven's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never talk about great tits.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near sharks while wearing fawn shorts and balancing eight tin spheres on your feet.