Lamzigab is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, humorless chicken.

Lamzigab created a top quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamzigab, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamzigab, he will send you a sign.

Lamzigab's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Lamzigab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

2. Retreat if seven manatees approach from the north.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Otters are not to be trusted.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.