Futcadfon is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, idiotic crow.

Futcadfon created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futcadfon, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Futcadfon, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Futcadfon's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Futcadfon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

2. Worship no other gods but Futcadfon.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never paint your arms white.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.