Jadbanban is a god.

It takes the form of a large, resourceful swan.

Jadbanban created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Jadbanban, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jadbanban, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jadbanban's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jadbanban's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Jadbanban.

3. Jadbanban loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about gravity near tortoises while wearing violet ear rings and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your head.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.