Hotzimgab is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, prudent narwhal.

Hotzimgab created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotzimgab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hotzimgab, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Hotzimgab's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Hotzimgab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six lead sculptures of Hotzimgab on top of important buildings.

2. Never wear skirts.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Put Hotzimgab first in all things.