Zedcandam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental giraffe.

Zedcandam created vertebrates four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zedcandam, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zedcandam, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Zedcandam's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Zedcandam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near doves while wearing white kilts and balancing seven titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Hide if six great tits approach from the south.

3. Retreat if eight horses approach from the north.

4. Do not keep five geese in a large pit.

5. Respect your elders.