Somfagkem is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, astonishing finch.

Somfagkem created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somfagkem, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Somfagkem, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Somfagkem's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Somfagkem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large lead sculpture of Somfagkem on top of all buildings.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Somfagkem.

3. Never hurt geese.

4. Feed all hungry seals.

5. Do not keep seven gulls in a large pit.