Begpinbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a small, generous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Begpinbeg created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begpinbeg, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Begpinbeg, she will be very unhappy.

Begpinbeg's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Begpinbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Begpinbeg loves goats, so they must be respected.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near squirrels while wearing green shoes and balancing seven copper spheres on your feet.