Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ill-tempered tortoise.

Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear brown.

2. Feed all hungry doves.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Quafragcep Gepabzak Ratyartpig in the centre of the settlement.