Jarnsasster is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent dugong.

Jarnsasster created silver five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnsasster, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jarnsasster, it will destroy your favourite star.

Jarnsasster's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Jarnsasster's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. You must never eat turnips.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near great tits while wearing orange boots and balancing three aluminium spheres on your neck.

4. Always treat seals with great respect.

5. Never write about dark matter.